The Pressure to ‘Move On’ After Child Loss – And How to Handle It

Grief doesn’t come with an expiration date. Yet, if you’re a bereaved mother, chances are you’ve felt the pressure to ‘move on.’ Maybe it’s a friend who changes the subject when you mention your child. Maybe it’s a family member who says, “You have to let go and be happy again.” These words, whether well-intended or not, can feel like a dismissal of your grief and your love for your child.

But here’s the truth: You will never ‘move on’ from child loss—but you can learn to carry it.

So how do you navigate a world that expects you to heal on their timeline? How do you handle the people who think grief is something to overcome instead of something you learn to live with?

Why People Say “Move On” (And Why They’re Wrong)

Most people struggle with grief—not just their own, but other people’s grief, too. When they urge you to ‘move on,’ it’s often because they don’t know how to sit with pain. They want to fix what is unfixable, thinking that pushing you toward happiness will somehow make things better. But as a grieving mother, you know that’s not how grief works.

People may also compare your loss to their own experiences—losing a parent, a pet, or even a job—because that’s their only reference point. While their losses are valid, child loss is unlike any other kind of grief. It’s deep, lifelong, and changes the way you see the world.

Instead of feeling frustrated, remind yourself: Their words come from inexperience, not cruelty. And while you can’t control what people say, you can control how you respond and protect your emotional well-being.

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How to Handle the Pressure to ‘Move On’ after Child Loss

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the expectation to ‘move on,’ here are five powerful ways to navigate these interactions with confidence and self-compassion:

✅ Set Boundaries Around Hurtful Comments You don’t have to engage in conversations that diminish your grief. If someone repeatedly tells you to ‘move on,’ try responding with: “I know you care, but when you say that, it makes me feel like my grief isn’t valid. I need to grieve in my own way.”

✅ Find Safe People Who Honour Your Grief. Not everyone will understand. So, seek out friends, support groups, or online communities where you can talk about your child without fear of judgment. Surrounding yourself with those who truly get it can make all the difference.

✅ Redefine ‘Moving Forward’ (Instead of ‘Moving On’). Moving on implies forgetting. Moving forward means carrying love and grief together. The next time someone says, “You need to move on,” try saying, “I am moving forward, but I will never move on or forget my child.”

✅ Redirect Conversations That Feel Unhelpful If a conversation about grief becomes overwhelming, you have the right to change the subject. A simple, “I’d rather talk about something else right now,” can help you protect your energy.

✅ Give Yourself Permission to Grieve on Your Own Terms You don’t owe anyone a ‘quick recovery.’ Grief isn’t something you overcome—it’s something you integrate into your life. Honour your emotions without guilt, and remember: there is no right or wrong way to grieve.

You Are Not Alone

If you’ve felt frustrated, hurt, or even abandoned by people who don’t understand your grief, know this: you are not alone. So many grieving mothers have walked this road, and there is a community of people who truly get it.

If this blog resonated with you, I invite you to listen to the podcast episode on this topic where I dive even deeper into this topic.

🎧 Listen here

If this message has been helpful, please share it with another grieving mom who needs to hear these words. 💛

XO Lisa

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