Grieving the loss of a child is a journey no parent should ever have to endure. It’s a pain that reshapes everything, leaving a hole in your heart and a void in your life. As a grieving mom myself, I’ve walked this road and know how consuming the loss of a child can be. That day, that event, often overshadows everything else, especially in the early days of grief.
What if we could shift our focus—not away from our grief but toward something equally profound: their life?
When I lost my daughter Katie, I found that dwelling on her life rather than her death gave me a sense of purpose and connection. This shift didn’t erase my pain, but it allowed me to celebrate the love and joy she brought to my life while continuing to honour her memory.
How to focus on your child's life, not their death
These steps are not about “moving on” or diminishing your grief; they’re about remembering and celebrating your child as the unique, beautiful person they were.
1. Share Their Stories
One of the most powerful ways to keep your child’s memory alive is to talk about them. Share their quirks, their talents, their favorrite jokes, or the little moments that brought you joy. This could be on social media, at family gatherings, or in conversations with friends.
Sharing stories serves two purposes:
It helps others see your child through your eyes, as more than just the circumstances of their passing.
It creates opportunities for others to feel comfortable talking about your child, knowing it’s something you welcome.
This week, try sharing one memory that always makes you smile. It might be something sweet or hilarious—whatever captures your child’s spirit.
2. Embody Their Best Traits
Think about the qualities your child had that you admired most. Were they kind-hearted, adventurous, or fiercely determined? Incorporating those traits into your own life is a beautiful way to honour them.
For me, Katie’s determination and love for life inspire me to keep going, even on the hardest days. By living in a way that reflects who they were, we carry their legacy forward and keeps their memory alive.
3. Create a Legacy Project
Legacy projects can be big or small. The goal is to celebrate your child’s life in a way that feels meaningful to you. Here are some ideas:
Plant a tree or create a garden in their honour.
Start a scholarship fund that reflects their passions.
Cook their favourite meal and share it with family and friends.
Fill a journal with your favourite memories of them.
Your legacy project doesn’t have to be elaborate; it just needs to come from the heart. These actions remind us that our children’s lives were so much more than the moment they left us.
Feeling Resistance on this Journey through Child Loss
You might feel a sense of guilt or fear when focusing on your child’s life instead of their passing. You may worry that it diminishes the significance of their death—but it’s quite the opposite. By celebrating their life, you honour the wholeness of who they were.
This perspective shift takes time, and you might not feel ready right now—and that’s okay. Plant the seed and let it grow when you’re ready.
Remember, it’s possible to carry grief in one hand and joy in the other. Balancing these emotions doesn’t mean you’re “over it.” It means you’re making space for the love and memories to coexist with the pain.
I hope these ideas inspire you to reflect on your child’s legacy in new ways. What’s one memory of your child that always brings a smile to your face? Share it in the comments—I’d love to hear about them. Want to learn more about creating a legacy in honour of your child? Listen to the full episode on The Angel Moms Podcast HERE.
XO Lisa
PS: I have created a free download for bereaved mothers that will help you move forward. You can download that here.
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