Grief & Child Loss: 3 Ways to Navigate Dark Thoughts
- Lisa K. Boehm
- Apr 8
- 3 min read
Losing a child is an unbearable pain that no parent should have to endure. The grief that follows is all-consuming, making it hard to imagine a future without them. Many bereaved mothers experience moments where they think, I just want to be with my child again. If you’ve ever had thoughts like these, you are not alone. Suicidal thoughts after child loss are more common than many realize, yet they are rarely talked about.
In this post, I want to share my personal experience with these thoughts after losing my daughter, Katie, and provide insight into what’s normal in grief, when to be concerned, and how to move through the darkness.
Why Suicidal Thoughts Happen After Child Loss
When my daughter Katie died, my entire world collapsed. About six months in, the weight of grief became unbearable. I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and felt like I couldn’t keep going. One day, when I was home alone, my mind wandered to some of the darkest places it had ever been.
I started thinking:
What if I just pulled my car into traffic?
Do I have enough pills and alcohol to get me to the other side?
What’s the point of living when my daughter is gone?
At the time, I wasn’t actively making a plan, but I kept returning to these thoughts, over and over.
Grief is so painful that our brains start searching for a way to escape. These thoughts don’t necessarily mean you want to die—they are often a desperate attempt to end the unimaginable pain of loss.
What’s Normal vs. When to Be Concerned
Many grieving parents experience passive suicidal thoughts, such as:
✔️ “I just wish I could disappear.”
✔️ “I don’t know how to keep living like this.”
✔️ “I just want to be with my child again.”
While these thoughts are distressing, they are a common reaction to deep grief. However, there are times when these thoughts become dangerous and require immediate attention.
🚨 Red Flags That You Need Help:
You begin thinking of specific ways to end your life.
You start giving away personal belongings or writing goodbye letters.
You withdraw completely from friends and family.
If you are experiencing these warning signs, please reach out for help. Call a crisis hotline, a therapist, or a trusted friend. Your life is important, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now.
What Helped Me Stay
There were several things that stopped me from following through in my darkest moments:
1️⃣ My Husband & Son – They were already drowning in grief. If I left too, they wouldn’t stand a chance. Today, I can say with certainty that my son would not be the successful, emotionally strong young man he is today if I had given up.
2️⃣ Faith & "What If" Questions – Although I believe Katie is in Heaven, I had no guarantee that suicide would bring me to her. What if ending my life meant I would be separated from her forever? What if I had to relive this pain all over again? I couldn’t take that risk.
3️⃣ The Story of Another Angel Mom – I knew another grieving mother who couldn't fight the demons and took her own life. Watching her husband and children spiral further into grief made me realize—I didn't want to do that to my family.
How to Cope When You Feel Like You Can’t Keep Going
If you are struggling with these thoughts, here are a few things you can do right now:
✔️ Tell Someone You Trust – Speaking these thoughts out loud can reduce their power.
✔️ Write Down Reasons to Stay – Even if it’s just one reason, hold onto it.
✔️ Find a Way to Feel Close to Your Child – Whether it’s writing letters, sleeping with their favorite item, or having coffee with them each morning—find small ways to keep them in your daily life.
✔️ Reach Out for Support – You don’t have to do this alone. There are grief groups, therapists, and people who truly understand.
You Are Needed Here
If you take anything away from this post, please let it be this: Taking your own life doesn't solve anything, in fact it may make matters worse. - for you and everyone you love.
I know how painful this is because I have been where you are. And I promise—there is something waiting for you beyond this pain, even if you can’t see it yet.
💛 Want more support? Listen to this full podcast episode, where I go deeper into my experience and share more actionable ways to cope. You are not alone in this.
XO Lisa
PS: I have several free resources for bereaved mothers. You can find them here.
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